by kya_rayn

Here is my attempt at an article on my kin, from my point of view. Be warned, this is just a draft and does need alot of work to it. i will try to update often.

*** if any other phoenikoi would like to contribute to this essay, contact me and we’ll sort out some kind of collaboration ***

enjoy…

When most people hear the word ‘Phoenix’ they immediately think of a huge bird, surrounded in flames, rising up from the ashes of its grave. I did once. But now, I have awakened. For years I believed myself to be a dragon, I was blind to the truth which I would not accept. I have always shared an extreme affinity with birds or feathered creatures, fascinated by their gift of flight. We owe so much to birds, without them there would be no inspiration.

When I awakened to my phoenix self, I felt like I was betraying the ‘myth’. I felt like I had no right to call myself a phoenix and was making myself to be special, which I hated with a passion. Back then, I didn’t understand much about the otherkin community, online and offline. I now realise that there are many phoenikoi out there, and that it is finally okay to accept my kin self. I still have much searching to do to find out my true self, as all of you do reading this now. But I will try to explain what it is like to be a phoenix from my point of view.

Most of the time, my form is of a bright light, mostly gold/yellow in colour. It assumes to form of a bird, its silhouette mirroring a Red Kite. This form flows through my body, flying inside me, caged and fighting to be liberated. When my form takes a shape, I have the features of a bird of prey, I am very aquiline. My head is that of some sort of eagle, wings of a hawk and the forked tail of the kite. I have four limbs, my front legs are aquiline and my hind legs are like any mammal’s back legs, but with bird like feet. My feathers are yellow/gold, my flights are crimson and I have a red crest on the back and sides of my head, similar to a great crested grebe’s but more rough and spiky. My eyes are red toward the outer edges, yellow towards the inside. My pupil glows white. Some people may say I am a gryphon, but I strongly disagree with you. I have no connection with gryphons, but I do respect them.

I am closely attached to the element electricity; I gain my energy from it. Whenever I am near from electrical appliances or if there isn’t a thunderstorm overhead, I feel incredibly weak. I am not a couch potato or anything, lying around all day watching television or constantly on my computer, I just need the electrical energy to feed my soul. I spend most of my time with my headphones in my ears, having electro-magnets stuck to my head all the time. The amusing thing is that if I take my headphones out or stop listening to music, I get a headache! When I put them back in, my headache disappears. I occasionally break electrical things, and example being my parent’s brand new widescreen T.V which we only had for a month’ I walked by and it kind of blew up, oops – sorry mom! And I cannot wear a watch; it always stops, including wind up ones. Even when you wind them up, they still don’t work. Strange I hear you cry, but I’m used to it.

I have always been involved with birds, independently from the age of 11. When my family had an allotment, I raised a cockerel from an egg. He was my first ‘child’. I have raised pigeons, starlings, and a meadow pipit, rescued a swift and fostered a magpie. I have also had many of these glorious creatures die in my hands, one of which being my current magpie’s brother, Charlie-Sparx. I had a strange dream the night he died, and now I have come to realise it wasn’t what I had initially thought. He died in the morning, and throughout the day I was pursued by his soul. He was angry at me for some reason, probably because I couldn’t save him. So that night, in my sleep, I was flying along-side a magpie, above a beautiful mountain range. We flew higher and higher until I stopped and watched the magpie fly upwards into a silver light. Now I believe this to be Charlie, wanting my guidance to the ‘other side’. I felt gratitude from him there, and haven’t felt his presence since.

As you can see, my connection with birds goes way back, and I am still learning more and more about them every day. I understand them more too, I can relate to birds in so many ways. How I long to soar with them above the earth, free from the constraints of this restricting life. My eyes are eternally on the skies, my soul reaching out to their feathery presence. I connect almost instantly with any bird I come in contact with, and I feel that they understand me more than any other creature could. Birds for me are extremely psychic, they can read your soul and you will have no idea what they are doing.

Being a phoenix isn’t easy for me, I am alone and I can never get close to anything. Be it my dreams or my hopes, my love or my fears, without fail they will all burn away from me. I can only find peace in the skies and the birds. I am not tied down by any emotion; I am to some extent fearless. I have a violent temper, but also it is controllable. In my heart my phoenix soul can never be restrained, I am free and it suits me fine.