by Jonique
Editor note: While this article has been corrected for basic spelling errors, it remains a piece written by a person whose first language is not English. Please read with respect for this fact.

Everyone, especially otherkin, seem to wonder about fate and the reason why we are here and not somewhere else.

I deeply believe I do have a reason to be here, so sad and painful it might be sometimes.

I can`t see the the full meaning of my being, but I see I am here, just right now because of a higher meaning.

I have my own will and i always will have, but sometime I had to learn things on my way to reach a “new level”

It sounds pretty like a video game don`t it? Alright, but its the easiest way to explain.

I do have the power to decide if I go first there – or better there.

I have the power to accept or refuse a offer of the fate today (or god, for that matter) but I will never change that what is behind that offer.

I am here to learn something.

I am here to get skills and knowledge I need later in life.

Why do I think so? Its hard to explain to someone else. Nonetheless I will try to:

My way of life so far isn`t a straight walk from A to B, nor random. (For you it might be- and I am pretty sure my aim is not to rule destroy, or even change the world a bit.) I am not Buddha or Jesus and my aim in this life (or in general) is not to be important but: at least I have a reason to be here, just now with this body and this soul.
All my life i go back to to essential things so long til I learn my lesson. I am still figuring out, what the lessons might be, but I got Ideas about them by the time.

I wrote all my life stories. I am no Shakespeare, not even a real writer who can make up halfway good stories (I guess). The less of them will ever been published. Especially this one I am talking about.

These are the stories what make me stay awake in the middle of the night, and I can`t stop writing ‘em.

All of this kind of stories have a deeper meaning.

Not in the way another person will ever analyse, but in the way I look on it an see the connection to my own fate. That sounds odd, I know. But to be honest, what has happened until today is odd. Not in a total out-of-the-norm way, but still so unbelievable that I — when I would see it in a daily soap — I would say: “Whoa, that’s so unreal-” Unfortunately, it is.

When I was thirteen i wrote a pretty long story about a girl who meet her old childhood friend after years of absence and fell in in love with him. He reject her at a party.

Pretty random right? You see that everyday on TV and I must say there was a lot more around, but that was one important part of the story.

I honestly never expect that some cheesy like that ever happened to me.

I wrote a lot of these lil stories at that time about that girl, and to be honest I forget about it nearly.

When I was seventeen or so, an old friend came back from a boarding school where he was sent because of his deafness, and I fell in love.

We celebrated my 18 birthday together but just a week later he rejected me in a very mean way. He told me he would join the annual dance (Oberstufenparty in Germany), but he never appears. The funny thing is, it was nearly the same what I had written years before, even his initials where exact.

So you will say: Just coincidence. And you might be right, but I have written nearly a dozen of those kinds of stories, what had come true in the future, and I still do. And these very random events had lead to a not so random deep impact on my life.

I do know, when I write in the Future when I can`t help but write.

And of course i have no clue what exactly might happen, but mostly it leads to a situation what is pretty important.

I wrote, for example, a story of someone who had a plane crash with near to twenty one. At that exact date I had a crash which changed my life. Not a plane crash at all, but same deeply live changing. I still suffer from that.

Aside that it is precognitive (or not), what about my belief system? Why do I think some things might happen in my life for reason?

a) I have met people more than once til I finally took a second look, and all the time it happens, they have a deep impact on my life.
In case of my otherkiness, I met once when I was fifteen, a young woman who worked in a shop. I sold her a Barbie doll and forget her, til she appeared in the living room of my parents as new colleague of my mom. That woman was indeed the first other Otherkin I ever met. (And hopefully I will never met such a person again.) I learned my lesson well and she taught me things I will never ever forget. In short, it was the most painful/joyful thing that ever happened to me. I am still needy to that what she offers me, but I know I can`t have it again.
Same with the father of my daughter. I met him when I was a teen, once in a restaurant (not even in the same city we both lived in), we looked at each other, smiled and my skin start to prickle. I never forget that smile and at that moment in the restaurant. I thought: He is my future husband. Of course it was totally absurd. We were both there with our parents. The look lasted not longer than a few seconds and we never talked. Ten years or so later, (and two years as neigbours, living in the same street but never meeting), he just appears in the hospital where I was. The man in front of me was indeed the boy I met years ago, and he remembered the event as I did. Even his mom remembered the day, as we later found out. We found also that we had grown up in the same part of town, and he was just searching for me because I was a friend of his ex-friend (again, in another town, where I was for a few weeks, living next door to his friend and she actually told me about him…)
Also there is a house I saw all the time when I was visiting my family. I saw that house the first time when I was two or three, and I told my mom once that I would be inside this house because its mine. That was really absurd because its a half castle a wonderful old estate — here, where I live now. My mom laughed at me at this time but I always remembered the house and based my main story character in this house. After years I landed *accidentally* in this part of the city. And if you believe or not, I was in the house again “pretty accidentally” because a good friend of mine wanted to buy it for a project. Pretty exact the situation has happened as I described years ago in the story, when my main character visited the house and it looked inside the same as I ever expected.

I still have a strong connection to that house. I did research on it. There is no hint I have lived in it, but who knows maybe I move in it some day for real.

b) I have some life topics that always come back to me, whatever I do, no matter how hard I try to ignore them. Being here means facing the topic. Hopefully to come to a result. No matter how far I run or how much I hide, I can´t run away from the facts what follow me. And all the time I try not to think on it or face it, they follow me: Blindness and deafness, literally and spiritually, and the way out and Changing to heal my own “blindness” to the topic of my life. I’ve been different; however, I have to face that. I am a mix. I am both and nothing, just between it. Alienation and Approximation. And it appears to be my job to learn to communicate with both sides off my being. Of race and soul, physical and spiritual. I seem to have to learn, that I am whole just with both. I can’t ignore any part of myself if I want to stay.

I have learned so far, I have to be patient and open-minded and accept to face whatever my fate is and learning. I will work on my personal puzzle. That’s the reason why I am here.