by Adnarel

So following a thread here in the forum: Here is a lengthy sorta Kin-bio for myself- on the beginnings of my awakening, and what I’m going though even as we speak.
As per most awakenings, my own has been very lengthy and complicated. This because, for one, I run OKA (but I love you guys!), and for two, because I have a full time job, where I have a high up position in a very big corporation, and this requires me to sometimes take my work home with me. Aside from that, despite my taking the summer off, I was taking full time courses in school. I’ve already changed my major three or four times- right now I’m sitting smack dab on political science, coming from anthropology. Its been hectic.

I suppose I’ve never had an awakening in the typical kin sense of the word. My own has been very slow, and its taken me a while to realize where Im at. So here’s the long tale of my kinship.

As per the sometime usual, my kinship started off at actually a very young age. I played a lot of pretend when I was a kid. At first, it was a fascination with all things fantastical. Usually unicorns…and the cute little my little pony kind, at that. When I was twelve or so, I developed a fascination with both angels and vampires. This let me to get rather conflicted later on.

Late grade school and middle school were not kind to me. I was picked on a lot for being weird. I wore lots of crystals and the like- I jumped back and forth from all kinds of spiritualities. From pagan, to Wiccan, to Catholicism, to Hinduism, even Buddhism. I found solace in none of these. A very close minded household put a stop to all this exploration when the principal of my school called my mom one day and told her the kinds were calling me a witch. This led my parents to forbid me watching any type of sci-fi or fantasy show after that. So I took up drawing instead, and writing in my diary, as a way pf preserving my creativity.

I had a lot of imaginary friends, even up through junior high- one was none other then the angel Michael. There were many others, and my ‘imaginary’ friends, which, I now realize of course, are my spirit guides, followed me in my writings all the way through high school.

If junior high was tough, high school was worse. I was forced into being someone I didn’t want to be. Yes, folks, I was a prep. Softball, dating the halfback of the football team, secretary of the drama club, member of the choir, nominated for homecoming queen two years in a row. So, yeah. You get the picture. I was a stereotype valley girl my first two years of high school, if not also a little bit of a hippie. Every once in a while I still got cracks about being weird, mostly because of a story I was writing about Angels. Yes, my writings continued through high school- but, sometimes, to my dismay, they were yanked and passed between the football team as a joke. This prompted me to leave this group of people, and I met a girl who seemed to like angels as much as I did. We continued working on my story together, but she graduated a year or so before I did. We never spoke again, but I don’t think she realized how much of an impact she had on my awakening.

After I got of my angel stitch, I became fascinated with vampires again. Movies prompted me to research them, which I always do in depth any time I get interested in something new, provided it keeps me interested in it long enough to hold my attention: I have a very short attention span.

This research led me eventually towards sanguinarius, where I discussed at length with many people the possibility I was a vamp- unawakened, maybe. Some of what I was feeling at the time seemed to mirror what symptoms were described and attributed to psi-vamps, so I stayed on that tangent for a long time.

At this particular point in my life, I was also entertaining the idea of joining the military, but this came before a memory of one of my past lives, which I began dreaming about in detail early in my junior year. I had been human, but part of a reigning body that controlled a vast amount of people- and I was instrumental in this nations conquering of another- and responsible for much suffering. I will not say more on this, but, for good reason, it put a stop to my entering the military, as I wished never to serve again. I rapidly became shell shocked.

Something was still not right, tho- and the vamp- tangent wasn’t going where I was hoping it would take me…. Led me to no truths about myself save for in a very roundabout way- but it gave me no sense of satisfaction or knowing- so, I continued my search, but remained as an observer to sanguinarius for some time. I met a vampiric teacher in these years, too- but that’s another story I don’t feel like writing out right now.

After I graduated high school, I still didn’t know what I was. I met my *spiritual* teacher about this time. He started off as a major character in one of my stories- as a major, elder vampire. However, from there, he seemed to take on a life of his own. From there, he encouraged me to look into it more, hinting that he knew perfectly well what I was, but as so to never give me a clue what he was talking about. For a while, I had a fascination with dragons, particularly of an eastern bent, but even this seemed not to strike a chord. I was depressed after this for a long time. My search was leading me nowhere. In this depression, I even lost friends- I felt like I couldn’t tell them I wasn’t human, for fear of what would happen- who wants to be laughed at? So I stayed quiet about it. I founded OKA still not knowing what I was. If you look back at some older posts, you’ll see I was still in my dragon phase.

I finally picked up where I left off. I was actually browsing deviant art one day, when I saw a picture that struck a chord. No, it was not a picture of an angel, just of an androgynous, but more male looking figure, whose form glowed softly like a jewel. IT stuck with me. It felt true. People on OKA will recognize the figure as my avatar. Wings came fairly shortly thereafter- tawny, gold wings. I was an angel, and it fit. It felt true.

Slowly, memories are returning to me. Things in my life, strange things, seem to correlate with the angel thing better then anything else I have ever tried. I know a lot about angel structure from my readings, not only the bible but other texts, including Apocrypha and things like the Dead Sea Scrolls, etc. I haven’t had a chance to speak with many other incarnated angels yet. My own spirit guide has confirmed my feelings, but says he will not interfere with my learning process. As I said, memories are returning to me now, and along with it came the knowledge I’ve had many human lifetimes, incarnated myself many times. Its crazy, to say the least.

So, see, I’m with ya’ll. I’m still getting used to memories suddenly popping out of nowhere. I only just learned a technique for stretching my wings, that up until recently, I didn’t know I had. But everything is progressing, if not slowly, because I’m so busy. I’m in the process of looking for another angel to learn from, because I’ll concede, this is a strange new feeling to me. SO I’m right there with you guys. I’m still having my awakening