by Adalis

I’m going to address a subject that I feel hasn’t been properly addressed. The discussions I have seen about it don’t go deep enough, in my opinion. Solutions aren’t offered and in the end, those who are prone to attacking others apparently don’t learn anything from the discussion and continue verbally abusing people. The subject I’m speaking about are the so-called “wannabe” Otherkin, their motivation behind assuming an Otherkin identity and the negative treatment they endure from some within the Community. First, I want to acknowledge that there are those who come into Communities and basically go looking for trouble. They run around claiming to have bizarre special powers and they’re 2000 years old or they stir up flame wars for whatever pathetic reason. I have no sympathy for these people. Then there are those who want to join because they’ve just seen Lord of the Rings or Underworld and are simply caught up in the fantasy and romance of it all. They’re mostly harmless.

But there is another group for which I have sympathy. Those who enter the Community looking for escape from their depression, insecurities, fears and whatever else they have problems coping with. Many of these people are preteens, teenagers and young adults. Now, not counting the people who don’t genuinely have problems and are around due to a desire to escape issues that they’ve exaggerated into life or death situations, the group with genuine problems, I feel, need our attention, direction and support the most. And even more importantly, there is a powerful need for these people to start being responsible and handle their problems and stop running from them.

The allure of the Otherkin Community and its general philosophy, that is, a person in a human body has a non human soul and/or one has had non human incarnations, can be very powerful. The desperation that drives their need to escape their issues is inflamed by this philosophy. In their minds, this philosophy, coupled with the stereotypes of the Otherkin identity they’ve assumed and their own personal beliefs basically equals escape into a fantasy turned reality and escape from whatever they define as their own personal hell. Some of these people let themselves, knowningly or unknowningly, become so lost in their identities that, sadly, they become lost to themselves. What’s even worse is that for all the effort they put into escape, their issues and pain are always just right beneath the surface, so the “relief” they think they’ve found is, in reality, just an illusion.

So what, exactly, does this person do first? They assume a label and identity or a combination of identities that appeal, convinced that this is who they are and have always been. Many also don’t deeply question why they think they are that identity. To do so would threaten the “relief” they think they’ve found. They may even convince themselves that their “true nature”, clashing with the “mundanes” and the “mundane” world, is partly or completely the cause for some or all of their problems. So they tell themselves they must escape the world of man and let themselves become completely absorbed into the new identity. And it is an identity that they hold onto with a death grip.

The Elemental Communities are ripe with such people. For example, some spend large amounts of time trying to act like the stereotypical elf, which has now morphed into the Tolkien elf image, despite the fact that absolutely nothing about them reflects who they truly are. They may even feel disturbed that the image doesn’t fit them but they’ll push that aside and continue to try very hard to assimilate themselves into the stereotypes. They also may indulge in occult, paranormal and metaphysical studies in an attempt to find or recreate Rivendell and Lothlorien. There are even those who carry the Silmarillion with them where ever they go and think of it as their personal bible. Others have actually gone broke in their attempt to start an elven community and are currently struggling. In the Vampire Communities, the allure is stronger and the drive to become one is many times stronger than with any other Community. Why? Because Vampires are the only group, to my knowledge, with noticeable, physical symptoms of their true nature.

But if you’ve missed the significance of that factor, I’ll explain. To the person looking for escape, these symptoms mean that there is an actual kernal of truth to the myths, legends and hollywood movies. As children we believe in magick, vampires and werewolves, etc. but then reality sets in and takes away the whimsy and the fantastic, adventurous nature of that youthful worldview. We start to see the world as dull and not exciting and start to think that all we have to look forward to is a dead end 9 to 5 job and a meaningless existence. But when a desperate person looking for relief stumbles across a Vampire page and starts to realize that that youthful worldview doesn’t have to disappear, they latch onto the identity.

To them, those symptoms are like a portal to that worldview. They are, in essence, a means to what they perceive as relief. They start searching site after site for a list of symptoms and read about the experiences of others and convince themselves that they’re changing or that they’ve always been Vampires when in reality, their “symptoms” are psychosomatic or can be attributed to something else. They may also start acting like the stereotypical vampire, practically beg to join numerous Houses, Orders, etc. or may start one and start believing they are actually superior to “mundanes”.

Also so many actually seem to develop an unhealthy, possessive attitude of the assumed identity and demonstrate it numerous ways. For example, if they read something that they perceive as a threat to their view on the identity, even if they aren’t being personally addressed, they become very defensive and frequently find themselves in flame wars. Their sensitivity may also cause them to attack those offering constructive criticism and the person genuinely trying to help ends up being dragged into a completely unnecessary fight. Often you can just tell they are insecure by what they say, what they don’t say and how they say it. They may also switch identities or combine them, taking on the most alluring and most often stereotypical characteristics of the identity.

And of course not to forget, there is the often seen Elven Princess Syndrome and those who think they’re so special that they’ll give a laundry list of all of their abilities, lifetimes, titles from this or other lifetimes, etc. and do it often, but turn right around and say something that basically says, “I don’t see myself as better or special; I only mention these items to show that I’m qualified and the only person qualified to lead my Community”, or they’ll even say something like, “I don’t suffer from Elven Princess Syndrome.” Phrases like these are said quite often. They are sometimes used to, basically, throw a person off the scent of an ulterior motive. Other times they can be used to appear like the real deal and thus increase their chances of being taken seriously. But what is quite interesting is that they don’t realize just how pedestrian these attempts are. Many times they actually show their insecurities, motives, etc. that they’re trying to consciously or unconsciously hide. It’s as if they’re living in a fog and cannot see themselves.

What’s more, the defensive person is prone to having a skewed view of the confrontation. This is usually caused by, among many reasons, insecurities, fears, and the emotional sensitivity caused by the pain they carry. It can also simply be a matter of maturity level. And other times, their issues and the pain caused by them can actually stunt a person’s emotional growth and as a defense mechanism, a person may actually start acting, consciously or unconsciously, more immature than they actually are. This occurs sometimes because reverting emotionally is a weak attempt at trying to free themselves from taking on adult responsibilities, among other reasons. So a person who is, for example, 30 will most likely respond to situations like a 20 year old or younger.

So because of these and/or other reasons, the person will most likely see themselves as the victim when they weren’t victimized. Some may even choose, consciously or unconsciously, to continually see themselves as victims because it gives them the excuse to take on such viewpoints like the “Me against the world” attitude, the martyr attitude or the “They’re just jealous because they know I’m special and therefore better” attitude and whatever other viewpoints that will elevate them above others. Also, there are those who are genuinely Otherkin and they too start giving into their desperation to escape their issues.

These people seem to have a tendency to settle for surface explanations for who they are and why they are what they are. They shy away from deep mental, emotional and spiritual analysis in fear of their view of themselves being altered or potentionally shattered. This fear keeps them from understanding their true nature and how to successfully integrate it into their human existence. They cling to the search for Rivendell or the desire to live forever as a Vampire or continue on their quest to one day physically shapeshift, ignoring that it’s simply impossible. They may join Houses, Orders, etc. or form them in an attempt to not just simply live the fantasy for a little while and then return to the responsibilities of “mundane” life but to actually to get lost in the fantasy as much as possible to escape their personal hell.

I realize this does not apply to everyone but to those to whom it does apply, they are doing themselves and those that follow them a great disservice. They didn’t create these groups out of a genuine desire to help their Community and if they did, the desire is small compared to their own self-serving desires; it was done out of a need for escape. It was done to control and/or find people who will validate their view of the identity. It was done so the person can finally feel accepted or special and to indulge in whatever qualities the person sees as alluring in legitmate Houses, Orders, Packs, etc. By the way, I mention control because many with issues feel a need to control others and circumstances because they feel so out of control of their own lives. Or if they were a victim of some sort, they may feel the need to control because they couldn’t control and thus stop the circumstances that led to their victimization.

Because of these issues and others, there will most likely not be a strong emphasis on self analysis and Community assistance. But there will most likely be a lot of drama within and without the group. The leader, in particular, may appear as if they’re trying to compensate for something that only they are aware of. The members the group attracts will usually be mostly immature as well. They may even try to recruite those who are well learned in the occult, paranormal and metaphysical just to basically steal their knowledge instead of working for it. These people can also end up leading astray those who are new, genuinely Otherkin and are looking to learn. No one should take themselves too seriously but these people with issues don’t take the responsibility as a leader seriously enough. To them, it’s child’s play.

So how should we the Community treat people like this and how should these people treat themselves? First and most importantly, let me emphasize this important fact: For those who think being an elf, fairy, vampire, werewolf, etc is going to save you from your problems, stop deluding yourselves. You are only prolonging your pain and problems by not facing them and handling them. Think about it, if assuming whatever identity was working, you wouldn’t be struggling so hard to stay in your illusionary world. You’d be able to step away from that world and see that all your problems have been solved. Yet everytime you do step away just a little, you catch a glimpse of your issues. You still feel the pain just beneath the surface so you try even harder to escape.

Let it be understood that by trying to escape, these people are actually demonstrating self love. Don’t believe it? Impossible? It’s actually quite true. To them, escape equals relief and if they didn’t love themselves even just a little, they wouldn’t care enough to try to escape. The problem is that they are going about pain relief and issue resolution all wrong. It’s actually an immature and weak way of attempting self-healing. What needs to be realized is that it’s going to hurt if one is going to heal. There is absolutely no way around it. And we do not have the right to attack these people. They need to be advised to get help because while that “wannabe” may be getting on your nerves, to them, this is the only form of therapy they can get. What’s needs to be realized that we need to start requiring more of ourselves so we don’t sink to the low level of attacking these people. Those who need help also need to require more of themselves and stop settling for illusions.

To those who need help: You need to start being yourself and start looking within for the relief you seek. You need to look within to fill the “holes” you think you have. There are plenty of self help books and websites, people to talk to, etc. but remember that none of them will cure you. They are only tools so you can cure yourself. Handling your problems is part of growing into self-mastery. And by that I mean learning to depend on yourself for your emotional needs instead of constantly looking outside yourself. Also facing your problems will actually strengthen your confidence, and increase self respect and all of those attributes you think you need to get from someone or somewhere else.

Nothing outside of yourself will make you valuable because you already have value. Nothing outside of you will make you powerful because you already have power but you give it away. How? You do so by thinking that if you can join a House, you’ll be valuable. Or you think that being Otherkin will give what you need or if you need emotionally. You think escaping to Rivendell will save you from the problems of the world, but you, like all of us, have a responsibility to try to improve the state of the world. But what will you do when you realize that you aren’t anything other than human or someone rejects you or criticizes you? Or you’ve realized that your supposed Otherkin mission to save the Community from some unknown enemy or from themselves just isn’t true? You’ll mostly likely feel crushed or angry. Sad or empty or a combination of these and so much more. Had you not let yourself be dependent on that which is outside of you and on illusions, you wouldn’t feel this way. This is what happens when you give away your power. Nothing or no one can affect you unless you allow it.

Stop settling for these poor substitutes that you think is therapy and get real help. Even if you can’t afford therapy, there are free online resources and they are everywhere. There is simply no excuse to allow yourself to continue living in pain. If you fear someone will ridicule you for reading a Dr. Phil book, ignore them because it’s not them that is suffering day after day, month after month, year after year. Their words and negative actions will disappear but your problems will still be there. Stop waiting around for someone or something to save you from yourself because it won’t happen. Stand up for yourself and master your problems instead of letting them master you. What do you have to lose?